A younger and more reckless me used to say ‘garden snake’ when I meant ‘garter snake’. What’s the different between a garden snake and a garter snake? There is no recognized group of snakes called garden snakes. A garden snake is any ole snake you might find in your garden – be it a corn snake, a milk snake or a deadly black mambe. A garter snake is a group of snakes belonging to the genus Thamnophis. How did my older, more considerate self remember the difference? I thought of a snake wearing a garter belt to hold up its stockings. Well, stocking. The most common garter snake is the eastern garter snake, Thamnophis sirtalis. It is harmless and only likes to eat frogs, tadpoles, and insects – not people who can’t remember its name.
Here is a garter snake in Williamsburg, Virginia, that surprised me while I was hunting frogs outside of Jamestown Pies while I waited for my pizza to cook (frog hunting is an activity of opportunity).
And here is one from Newbury, Massachusetts, that emerge just as spring was happening. It was still cool and he let me lay inches from him and take his picture. I made sure to get his good side.
Last week I saw fuzz on my windshield. My car does not suffer from the disease of cleanliness . I smudged the fuzz across my windshield, which added to the decor of bird poop, glass chips and cracks. More fuzz. Just as my thumb went into action, I paused. I recognized that fuzz. I leaned closer and focused on the fuzz. It wasn’t fuzz, but several strands of what looked like thin monofilaments of fishing line with slim, yellow jelly beans hanging at the end of it. There was about a dozen jelly beans dangling from my windshield (and at least one smeared).
This was not fuzz. This was eggs (yes, I know it’s not gramatically correct). Eggs of the green lacewing (Family Chrysopidae). I had left my windows down overnight so the interior could enjoy the fresh night air (read: air it out because I left some unknown food in the floorboard). The green lacewing was drawn to my car as the perfect nesting sight. No predators there. For the past week they have gone with me to work. Little jelly beans stuck at the end of a frozen bungee cord. They sitting there in my line of sight, me wondering when they will hatch and what they will eat when they do (I should have left the food in there!).
The lacewing is a delicate and beautiful insect that is well-named. And the aesthetics of its egg-laying habits serves a more important purpose than beauty. Just like a Kit-Kat is safer from me when it’s on top of the fridge instead of on the counter, tethered lacewing eggs are safer from predators than those laid on directly on the leaf.
A fat, white goose lives on the lake. I think he must be domestic and possibly someone’s pet goose because he is here all winter. In winter, he stands in the lakeside yard of his choosing and to honk that this is his lake. From emergent logs of long-ago fallen trees he makes his proclamations to the cormorants who stand on other logs with their wings held out to dry. The fat, white goose roams like a bachelor around the lake. Your yard is his yard and he greedily accepts your handouts.
I have assigned the goose as a ‘he’ because he seemed grumpy and while a lady goose can be mean and disapproving, I don’t think she would be grumpy.*
With spring come other waterbirds, mostly mallard ducks. When two or three splash down into the lake the goose swims over to them. At first I assumed to chase them off, but he only swims with them. Maybe they exchange gossip (a slip of the fingers and I accidentally typed ‘goosip’ and then tittered at my clever fingers). When the mallards swim or fly away the fat, white goose finds another log pulpit upon which to preach and honk, using the lake surface as a megaphone. Perhaps he is grumpy because he is lonely.
About a month ago the goose abandoned loneliness. The goose had a family. A mallard hen and eight fuzzy ducklings had adopted and been adopted by the goose. They followed him around the pond as he honked, like was a tour guide highlighting the best features of the lake. Indeed, he led them into yards to forage. He showed them the best docks to sleep on for sun. And when any perceived danger arrived – say a curious kayaker or neighbor with a camera – he honked an alarm, splashed into the water with small ducklings plopping in after.
Yesterday while fishing I saw the goose with two of his flock. They were no longer fuzzy ducklings but had mature feathers, but not quite grown bodies. Teenagers. As I drifted by in my kayak the goose decided I was too close and honked for the two mallards to follow. As he went around the bend, they did not follow. They went in the exact opposite direction. I watched the goose – probably thinking the two teenagers were behind him – swim father away. When he turned and saw they had not followed he honked loudly and rapidly. The two mallards ignored him and did not answer. He honked and looked for them. They did not perceive the same danger and did as they wanted to. When the goose found them and rejoined them, I would like to say that he gave them a good goose scolding. But he didn’t. He simply followed them, doing the best that he could help them make the right decisions.
My own duckling is almost a year old. When I crawl on the floor, he follows me. When I walk into another room, he follows me. He trusts me completely. He wants to be near me and doesn’t question my decisions. I know one day that will change. I can only hope that when that day comes that I have the patience of a goose.
*It is possible that the goose is a ‘she’ but the themes are the same even if not the gender. There are plenty of mom’s who act as fathers and do a fine job.
On the day after Mother’s Day it’s important to recognize all mothers. Including the mama wolf spider. A mother who carries around a giant silk-spun sack holding hundreds of babies. She does not eat. She does not rest. She has the single-mindedness of a mother. One whose only goal is to drag her sack of children until they are ready for the real world. But even when they hatch they are not ready for the real world because when her sack full of children now climb on her back. And now her abdomen looks like a pineapple with the top cut off. The spiderlings stay on the mama-spider-ride for a week or two before venturing off on their own. Probably without so much as a thank you.
If you are a mom, arachnid or otherwise, know that you are appreciated. And that one day your kids will finally get off your back.
We were outside when I saw a blob on the table. We were feeding our infant son so I thought it was some food that he had launched in his excitement to show us how his arms work. We are first time parents so we are amazed every time his arms work. When I walked to the side of the table I saw that blob had eyes and was not baby food but a small gray treefrog*. All that move on the small amphibian dollop was it’s rapidly beating throat as it breathed. As though it chanted to pulse-pounding club beat the phrase, “You can’t seem me, you can’t see me, you can’t see me, you can’t see me.”
But I could see it. And I wanted a better picture. So I picked it up. My punishment? The treefrog peed on me. Meh. I’m a dad. I’ve had worse.
*I think it’s a Gray Treefrog, which looks just like Cope’s Gray Treefrog. My Frogs of Virginia map tells me that it should be Cope’s. The best way to tell is through the frog’s call. The frog, after relieving itself on me, was in no mood to sing.
P.S. The pictures above are of the same frog. It’s almost like a river, you can never see the same frog twice.
“The color of the [egg’s] shell is an indication of the breed of the hen and has no connection with the quality of the egg or its flavor.”
–From Joy of Cooking
Even though I know better and no matter what my go-to cookbook says, I still prefer brown eggs over white eggs. I will even sometimes pay a higher price for their well-tanned shells. This is illogical. And possibly heresy since I’m a scientist that makes his living on logic. But I am a scientist who is also human; sometimes my emotional brain vetoes my logical one. I am paying extra for an experience, not nutrition.
I grew up with chickens in the yard. Rhode Island Reds surveyed the grasses for bugs and spiders along with the Plymouth Rocks and an entire assortment of other Gallus domesticus. And most of these chickens laid brown eggs. Country eggs. Eggs of the land, not of the factory. My emotional brain is a romantic one and equates brown eggs with ‘natural.’ My emotional brain can be both a fool and easily fooled.
The shell is a protective canvas stretched over the egg, and its color is determined by the peculiarities of its painter, in this case, the breed of the hen. Some chicken breeds – like the Rhode Island Reds and Plymouth Rocks of my childhood – lay brown eggs. One of my students sells me eggs from her Ameraucana chickens, which lay an egg with a slight peak-a-boo of blue. But these yard birds are not overly industrious or even reliable egg layers; seeming to lay only if 13 leaves fall in the yard and not 17, or not laying out of spite because you were short on corn one day last week. If you’re an industry and a grocery store that relies on steady and predictable egg production then you need a less fickle and moody chicken.
According to the American Egg Board, the most common commercial egg-laying hen is the Single-Comb White Leghorn. Leghorns have been the foundation of commercial egg production for over a century in the U.S. One industrious and determined Leghorn hen can lay 250 eggs. E.B. White suggested this expert layer is so dedicated that “…if she were on her way to a fire, [she] would pause long enough to lay an egg.” And Leghorns, champion of the commercial egg industry, lay white eggs, not brown eggs.
But brown eggs are romantic. They evoke pastoral scenes of cows skipping and chickens dancing with ducks on farms. White eggs come from dirty and possibly unethical factory farms. Those are city-folk eggs, not country-folk eggs. But I are city-folk now, in a way. I don’t have chickens so my eggs are mostly store-bought. Even though my brown eggs are probably factory farm eggs, I still want that connection to holding a chicken like I did as a kid or watching a hen with her feathered thighs chase June bugs on a summer evening. Brown eggs make me nostalgic for the country and I’m willing to pay for it.
Marketers know this, which is why labels like organic, all-natural, and etc. are plastered on products. Those labels come at a cost. I think when I sell my car I’ll say that’s its free-range and all-natural and increase the price by 40%.
While the color of the eggshell has no bearing on its nutrition, what the chicken eats does. Country or farm eggs – to me – often have a richer, more orange yolk. I assume that’s because their diet includes not just feed, but insects and seeds and whatever household scraps might get thrown into the yard. Which is why I am surprised to see on the more expensive, and supposedly better eggs, a label that says the eggs were laid by chickens fed a “Vegetarian Diet”. Chickens are not vegetarians. If they were, this would be exciting news to the world of grasshoppers and beetles and spiders. I can imagine a fly one day on the kitchen window reading the “Vegetarian Diet” label and misinterpreting that to mean that all chickens are now vegetarians. The fly, as busy a busybody as you’ll ever find, reports the news to hidden arthropod citizens of the backyard. Soon, backyards and frontyards and especially the barnyards erupt in ticker-tape parades. Arthropod newspapers splash headlines, “War Over: Chickens Vegetarians!”
And then as the celebrations slow and the grasshoppers and the beetles and the spiders mend whatever feuds they had before, they hear the padding of chicken feet. Their instincts make them tense, but they remember recent news. They don’t flee, they don’t hide. But they are still nervous as old terrors still haunt. A grasshopper says, “Joe, don’t worry. She’s a vegetarian. She only eats feed and seeds…Joe?” Before the grasshopper knows what happened to Joe he is in the throat of a supposed vegetarian. In the panic of his mind and as he wedges his powerful legs against the muscles of the chicken’s throat so he’s not crushed or drawn down to the crushing gravel pit of the chicken’s crop, the grasshopper feels betrayed by the fly and the egg carton. And then he realizes that, no matter what anyone says – be it fly or egg carton – chickens are birds and birds are predators. Even the soft, downy chicken will seize the juicy caterpillar in its beak and slam the caterpillar’s soft body into the ground until it resists no more and can be swallowed easily.
And this is part of the egg’s plan – to get the chicken to eat the grains and seeds and bugs and snails and worms and turn them into more eggs. To the egg, the debate of “which came first?” is nonsense. An egg cannot make more of itself so it created the chicken, a self-contained egg factory. One egg makes one chicken, but one chicken makes many eggs. If an egg could make another of itself, chickens would have never existed. In terms of evolution, the chicken is a vehicle driven by the egg. And now the egg has convinced us to take part in its evolutionary plan. It could not be more delighted that we chose to breed a chicken who dedicates its entire life to laying eggs.
I don’t mind being drafted into the egg’s army; I just wish our uniforms were brown instead of white.